Green Roses!

I keep a silk floral arrangement with big, beautiful roses in our garage, because it’s too beautiful not to keep. Moving into a smaller house doesn’t always mean you have the sense to get rid of excess. But that’s not the only reason I’ve hung onto this silk beauty. I plan to eventually paint a picture of that very arrangement. I love painting with oils, and during the unplanned solitude of the pandemic, I’ve enjoyed capturing on canvas the curves and colors of roses. It makes sense then that this specific arrangement should find its way to a canvas.

 

The problem is, along with a rosy pink and burgundy and yellow roses, there are some pale green roses. I want a realistic painting, yet I never heard of green roses before.

Solution: I studied the arrangement and tried to imagine what color to use instead of the green. After all, there will be enough green with the leaves. But the more I dissected the other tones in the arrangement, along with the background I wanted, the more I knew I needed that same pale green taking the same amount of space. Drat! I wanted to paint only real flowers.

 

That led me to look for a replacement green flower instead of roses, keeping only the pink, burgundy and yellow ones roses. Deciding that, I researched “green flowers in your garden.”

 

I couldn’t believe the many beautiful and truly green flowers there are—Daylilies, Bells of Ireland, hydrangeas, zinnias, and many more. You can even buy seeds at Etsy for planting green roses. You can see pictures and learn the meaning of green roses here:

 

https://www.sensecuador.com/blog/the-real-meaning-behind-green-roses/

 

I’m not sure when I’ll ever start that imagined painting of the roses (naturally a green rose would be the focal point), but I’m willing to bet there will be some green roses woven into one of my future stories.

 

Have a great day, and enjoy some flowers!

Let's Edit a Story, Part 2!

Here’s another look at the story discussed in my previous post, with a little more information added. (Remember, major editing will wait until the story is fully roughed out.) 

 The day my mother put on Dad’s work boots, our life changed. I held my hair up off my sweaty neck and peered out the dusty glass. Mom stomped through the muddy yard, carrying a rusty hammer and cardboard sign on a wood stick pointed at the end. 

Here’s my take on this rough start of a story: The repetitive rhythm of adjective-noun and repeat, is annoying. 

Sweaty neck 

Dusty glass 

Muddy yard 

Rusty hammer 

Cardboard sign 

Wood stick 

Break the pattern. Keep a couple adjectives and kill the rest, or arrange the sentence differently. 

Which adjectives to keep, and which to lose? We can assume the character is hot, or she wouldn’t be holding up her hair. We guess without being told that her neck is sweaty. Cut sweaty. Next, a dusty window reveals something about the house and/or the people living there. Maybe it has to do with the amount of time for cleaning the family has, that they’ve been gone a while, or something about their priorities. We get an idea about the place just by the mud in the yard and the dust on the window. Those details create mood. For now, I’d keep muddy and dusty. 

 Mom stomped through the muddy yard, carrying a rusty hammer and cardboard sign on a wood stick pointed at the end. Look at this. Too many images weaken the focus. I’d omit the highlighted part highlighted. It’s awkward, and when you read about someone carrying a hammer and a cardboard sign, you’ll assume the sign can be hammered to stand in the ground. Don’t waste words creating an image the reader will get, anyway. 

Now we are left with Mom stomped through the muddy yard carrying a rusty hammer and cardboard sign. I doubt if deleting the word rusty will affect the story. Get rid of rusty for now, but you may grab it later if you decide the hammer being rusty is important. Also, consider the word cardboard. You can bet that if the sign is elaborate, the fancy details would be mentioned. Otherwise, it probably doesn’t matter if it’s made of cardboard, tag board, or a sharp scrap of metal. Wanting to know what the sign says is what will keep us reading. House for sale? Eggs for sale? Free stuff? Everything must go? 

Last, change glass to window, because dusty glass could be that of a china hutch. Here, it’s best to be specific. 

Before continuing the story, consider the fact that Mom stomped through the yard. No grace in her walk here. This might suggest she’s in a specific mood. Maybe what the sign says explains that mood. Chances are, after you’ve made these changes, you’ll see something else needing attention. For instance, in––I held my hair up from my neck and peered through the dusty window. Mom stomped through the muddy yard, carrying a hammer and cardboard sign––there’s an echo on the word through. 

Echoes are repeated words that do not sound lyrical. They sound loud and distracting. The text could read, Mom stomped across the muddy yard … 

Write and edit along with me. Watch for new lines and edits in two weeks. Until then, happy writing! Also, I’d like to use your work for future posts. Young writers welcome! Send me your family-friendly short story for a free edit. Use the little envelope icon in the right margin to contact me. Stories 300-1200 words will work best. No picture books, please, and let me know if you are under 18. 

Note to readers: I recommend finishing a story before tackling any major editing. Look for the biggies first––weak character arcs, pacing problems, voice, and plotting problems––before weeding out extra words and accidental rhymes. It makes no sense to labor over a page you eventually delete. For learning purposes, we’ll do some minor line editing on this story as we go along and developmental editing once we have a beginning, middle and end.

Let's Edit a Story!

 

Good idea, but first we have to make up a story. As a panster (a writer who wings her way through a story without a plan or outline) I vote we whip one up from nothing. Here goes!

One day I was looking out the window and saw my mother in the yard.

Stop!

OK. It’s true you should get the bulk of your story out before you start editing, usually. But when your brain is already kicking you, it’s hard to get a good idea for the next sentence. An opening doesn’t have to be good at the gate, but don’t let it feel rusty, either. Clear it up now and start your story off inspired, rather than anxious.

If you handed me this sentence, I’d immediately ask why you began with “one day?“ If it doesn’t matter which day it is, then leave that out. If it is a specific day, but the actual date doesn’t matter, then tell us what does matter about that day, or why that day matters. Here’s my go at it. (Write your version with me.)

The day my mother put on Dad’s work boots, our life changed.

Look at the improvement the specifics make. It’s no longer just any old day. Here, the day does matter. Why? Because it changed the lives of this narrator’s family. That’s a big thing. That’s the kind of thing stories are made of. It has more meat to it than “one day…”

The new opening creates questions. You’ll want to know why Mom put on Dad’s work boots, why isn’t Dad wearing them, and in what way that little action changed their lives. Now there’s some muscle to push the story along.

Next, consider the passive sentence in the original opening ––>... I was looking out the window...

An easy way to know it’s passive is the word “was.” Was looking. My, my, my. You can’t get much weaker than that. To make that passive sentence active, write I looked rather than I was looking. Naturally, that brings up another problem. Who is the “I?” Who is this narrator?  Male, female? Adult child or teen child? Preteen?

Don’t come right out and say a __-aged boy or girl. Show the reader this information in other ways. For instance, a girl may flick her long hair back. That’s actually quite common in stories (and in life!), and I’m guilty of using it too often myself. It’s a go-to phrase. Make your description more unique. Flicking long hair gives us the idea that the character is female, though males can have long hair as well. Regardless, what other way could we show that this female character has long hair?

How about if she lifts her hair off of her neck as she’s watching out the window? That lets us know not only that the character’s hair is long, but also that it’s a hot day, or at least that the room is hot. If a description can tell us two things instead of one, great. Always go for the description you don’t think everybody else is using. You can describe something everyone will relate to it and still not use a phrase you’ve seen in thousands of stories. You could also show the sweltering temperature by saying sweaty hair or sticky neck.

Try your hand at finishing this story. Until you reach the end, use whatever opening gets the story going. You may not keep your original opening, and that’s okay.

Watch for my next blog post and see what other changes I find for this beginning.

Also, I’d like to use one of your stories for future posts. If you’re interested in getting a family-friendly short story edited for free, please use the little envelope icon on the right to contact me. Stories 300-1200 words will work best for this study. No picture books, please.

Note to readers. In your own work, I recommend finishing a story before tackling any major editing. Always look for the big problems first, weak character arcs, pacing problems, and a lack of logic before weeding out extra words and accidental rhymes. It makes no sense to put a ton of work into a page you later delete. But for learning purposes, we’ll do some minor line editing on this story as we go along and developmental editing once we have a beginning, middle and end.

Happy writing!

 

 

Spring is Here!

 

Most people know spring is here by the buds sprouting on the trees, flower shoots peeking through the ground, birds singing in windowsills. Dying eggs and buying Easter dresses. Wondering about the size of last year’s swimming suit.

I’m not talking about the calendar date of spring. I’m talking about real spring. The kind a last-minute snowstorm can’t erase for any lengthy time.

To me, spring is here when my husband starts sorting through his rods and reels, checking online prices of new ones, ordering planting soil to make sure we are stocked up, and planning out new flowerbeds. The gleam in his eyes comes out of hibernation. He orders more plastic Easter eggs to fill for the big scavenger hunt. I’m not exaggerating when I say we have around 200. If he keeps adding to the collection year after year, we’ll soon have to move the hunt from a backyard to a park.

I have witnessed all of these signs over the last week, and I’m so excited. He’s been checking out sporting equipment, looking at the layout of our yard with a gardener’s eye, and he just bought more plastic eggs! (But no, I am not looking at or even thinking about my swimsuit.)

What are your tell-tale signs of spring?

Happy writing!

Psst! Watch for next week’s post on how to edit a story, and watch future posts for a chance at getting your story edited for free!